Intellectual Suicide

Was it to be the last time?
It had been several years
Since the very first occasion
Had brought me close to tears.

You may well wonder what I mean
For I myself don't know.
But it's inside the thought will count
And nothing's left to show.

These four years were very long
But eventually elapsed.
An hour of time to less than minutes
Sometimes was collapsed.

Lie there now, and ask me if
It was the last such time.
And there is, sadly, no way left
You can call what I did a crime.

Was it to be the last time?
I certainly hope so.
But until we see it wasn't,
We'll never surely know.